Romance and Real Life

Cindy, brave post and I can't imagine anyone not agreeing. There are some days when I'm dead tired and actually stay at work an additional 30 minutes or so to collect myself before going home because I know more work awaits me when I get there. If my husband is not at home, it means 7 dogs are waiting for me and will need to be let out, fed, petted, given quality time, trained (ha!), etc. I've also sat in my driveway for a few moments before going in as well. But I have to say, once I'm inside and the barking, jumping, glad to see you mom, where have you been, I'm starving, and I need to be petted this instant hoopla dies down, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else with anyone else. No, living with dogs is not a picnic every minute of the day, but neither is anything else. I've been married for 25 years to unquestionably the greatest man in the world, but even he gets on my nerves sometimes (like this morning when he moved my stuff yet again and couldn't remember where .. arrrrggghhh), but so what, I know I get on his nerves sometimes too. He's not perfect, I'm not perfect, and our dogs aren't perfect. But I couldn't fathom living without him or them. They are a huge, huge responsibility and we definitely plan everything around them, but again, I really don't know how to live any other way. We've had dogs for as long as we've been married. Our dogs are part of our "we."

You had to have known I'd jump all over this.

First of all, thank you. I hope this is the first of many discussions I will have about this.

For those of us who came into a dog with no training and no knowledge, dog ownership can be a royal pain. I truly love my dog, he's so improved my life, and actually as of today, he's pretty damn good. He sleeps most of the day while I work from home. He asks for less than I'm willing to give. But it wasn't always like that.

Having said that, he's a barker, and he's either fearful or more likely a spaz barker when he meets people. It was our third training class, and we were getting out of the car, and he saw another dog. He just started barking like crazy. And my dog has a bark that resonates to the core of your soul. When I hear his brother bark, it sounds nice in comparison. He was seriously spazzing out. I went through the stages: patience, embarrassment, frustration, and then I think I skipped to extreme anger.

I put him in his crate in the back seat of the car to protect him from me. Then I got into the car and started driving and I start yelling "Oh my god, what is going on! Why are you so crazy?" And then I quickly move to the next phase of guilt. I'm thinking about all the times I jerked his leash because Cesar Millan told me to, and I just know that's why he's so edgy. Or the million other mistakes I made because I had no idea what I was doing. Or the fact that I'm in the car screaming at him. And here I am trying to make that right by going to class, and we can't even do that. So I'm like angry, guilty, frustrated, screaming, and crying and really just think I should pull over because I don't know how much traffic information is getting through.

That was our worst day ever. I still get emotional thinking about it. We've had other bad days, but none like that day.

But we made it through training. They gave me a special session to show me some things I could do with him when he barks because I begged them. (And of course, we couldn't get him to bark even when trying with other dogs. I felt like an idiot. And I wish that would happen more often.) And life got drastically better after that. That training saved us.

But I was and still am bitter. The labs in class practically just listened to the teacher themselves and learned the stuff. Their owners were hardly even trying when they did show up to class. Their dogs just followed them around patiently.

That's why I'm here. That's why I have my website. If I can help one screaming crying person learn to deal with their dog, it's worth it. And obviously, I'm still learning a lot too.

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I have a blog: http://doxienews.com

Now...that is probably worthy of it's own blog! A client of mine was once embarrassed to explain to me that her dogs were a part of her marriage, a real part of what made their marriage whole. I sooooo understood what she was talking about! I so get that.

Kody,

That was simply beautiful. It's not just you, it made me emotional, too. What you describe here is the REAL reason that I am a dog trainer.

An hysterically barking Dachshund? Really? How odd? Hahahahahaha!

~ Cindy

I have not had a day job for a year and a half and have had my life turned topsy turvy by our geriatric GSP. My sleeping schedule is wrecked because from about 9 to 3am is fairly active, getting up and down, wandering outside (we have a doggy door). Just when I start to drift off to sleep he whines or howls to get me to help him get off the bed or even the very low dog bed or couch... I end up sleeping half the night with him in the guest room so my husband gets a good night's sleep so he can go to work refreshed. Louis, the old man, is high maintenance, but otherwise in good health and continent! with a good appetite - did I mention he is around 16 years old? He has been my dear companion for 12 years (through a divorce, remarriage and moves to 4 different states), we did therapy dog work for several years before he retired, and I get really annoyed with him at times - We have 3 other younger dogs (7,6, and 3) who are so much easier to take care of...at the same time I check on him frequently when he is sleeping during the day to see if he is still breathing. I wouldn't dream of sending him to the Bridge at this stage though sometimes he drives me nuts.

Wanda Woodworth
Wanda Woof Dog Training
Little Elm, Texas, USA
wandawoof@gmail.com

"Is it all worth it? Sometimes. Would I ever be happy without dogs in my home? Never. I dare you to share your gripes and frustrations with dog ownership without apology. Can you do it?"

Can I do it?
Probably not. There are days when I *still* feel a little twinge of guilt about dog ownership choices that I've made.

I wish that, after my cancer diagnosis, I hadn't had to choose another home for my four-year-old gordon setter, even though I know that his new owners love him to death and they gave him opportunities I wasn't healthy enough to give him. But picture the screaming doxie story with the names changed to a teenaged gordon setter howling in a crate at 3 a.m., and an exhausted me trying to convince him to go back to sleep. In attached housing--with neighbors. Reu and I worked hard, very hard, to come to a peaceable life together, and we worked every minute of his first four years of life on some pretty basic skills--like 'no, you cannot wake up howling at 3 a.m.' I love him dearly to this day. He was, however, way too much dog to handle while trying to do basic living on a 48-hour chemo infusion, no matter how much progress we'd made together. Placing him with another trainer who could give him the constant training/stimulation he needed was the fairest thing I could have done for both of us. BTW, he wasn't my first dog--he was my seventh personal dog, and there had been over 2000 client dogs before him. If he'd belonged to a client, I'd have advised the client to place him, too.

My first dog, a full 25 years before Reu came into my life, was one of the most challenging creatures on the planet. She was a true rescue dog, a year old border collie/sheltie cross abandoned on a farm, adopted by a co-worker, and about to be taken to the shelter because my co-worker couldn't live with her. Cuter than sin--but sin herself when not kept busy enough for her tastes. Herding might have been ideal, but the thing is, she didn't live on a farm and I don't own sheep. And I'm not even sure that herding would have been sufficient mental challenge for Taryn over the long haul. Sheep, in my experience, can be predictable. Taryn didn't like predictable.

Taryn was one (and only one) of the reasons I became a dog trainer. She was a masochist...and a sadist, depending on the situation--into pain, and willing to cause pain. She was an instigator. She was (in her mind) the leader of our pack. Yeah, I know that pack theory isn't a popular thing in these parts--but to those people who would correct my characterization, I answer 'you never lived with her.' Walk a mile with a dog like Taryn, and then tell me that dogs don't express elements of pack behavior...and not always in a good way.

No, I'm not anthropomorphizing. Taryn did things to gain attention. Any attention, even aversive attention, was better (to her) than being ignored. She had a job, many jobs, as many as I could come up with. She was trained daily in my house from the moment she came home until about two weeks before she died peaceably at nearly 15. Being trained and exercised on a deliberate schedule was part of living with Taryn. Skip a day and Taryn would respond with less-desired behavior. She never, ever took a day off--and as long as I lived with her, I couldn't take a day off either.

I'm not talking about behaviors that typical pet owners frequently label 'vindictive,' or about assigning emotions to a dog when stuff like house-soiling or uprooting the plants happens...although Taryn spent time in those phases, too. However, if life was moving along too quietly in my multi-dog, multi-cat household, Taryn would, ON PURPOSE, stir things up. She'd pick a fight, raid the cat litter box she'd ignored for weeks, or open all of the kitchen cabinets foraging (not searching for food--she'd just eaten!) She'd collect all of the toys in the house, lay down on them and stare at all of the other dogs daring them to consider trying to take a toy back. She'd rearrange the sofa cushions (on the floor, into a nest for herself.) She'd go lay down in another dog's crate and stare them away from it. Or during our daily training session, she'd deliberately improvise on an exercise, offering her own version, or more often just running away. Ignoring her accomplished nothing--the things she chose to do were generally self-reinforcing behaviors. She was ignoring me. Me ignoring her didn't change a thing.

Oddly enough, she improved as I added more dogs and more cats to the household. When she'd come to live with me, I had two cats. When she died, I had four other dogs and eight cats. Maybe they became her 'herd.' It's hard to know. I pretty much gave up trying to over-think why Taryn behaved the way she did. She wouldn't instigate in secret--she'd do it right in front of me. So I'd put her up, give her a time out, train her harder, find something new to challenge her. I spent every day of her almost-15 years trying to remember that I was smarter than she was. Most of the time.

What helped? Long downs. Really long downs. Twice a day. Every day.
Recalls, over obstacles. Every day.
Things that reminded Taryn that I drove the car, provided the dog food, and had a job that brought in enough money to keep driving the car and providing the dog food. And that no matter what she preferred, I was the one who got to make the decisions.

I used to think it was just me--until other eyes with more professional distance watched her go into action one time too many and said, 'nope, you're not imagining it.'
Taryn was the dog who made me ask myself (repeatedly) 'If you can't teach X to Taryn, then how can you accept money as a dog trainer?'

I worked in a large (75 run) boarding and training kennel for over 4 years. I had the chance to have over 130 breeds of dogs on my leash and on my grooming table during that time. There are breeds I love as puppies, but don't really like much as adults. There are breeds I don't really like much at all. I've learned that random bred dogs, while they can be wonderful pets, have just as much potential to be bad pets as any purebred dog--and that people who consider random bred dogs healthier on general principles have probably not worked with very many dogs at all. I've learned that while I love my dogs and will see them through a comfortable old age, I don't particularly enjoy senior dog-hood...and that some breeds of dogs show their ages very early, but then hang on for a long time. So I choose breeds of dogs which tend to not linger long in senior-doghood. There's little magic in that time of my dog's life--instead, only reminders of what my dog was, and what he now is not. That's hard to watch and to live through, for me and for the dog. I used to say that my first breed (English Springer Spaniels) tended to live to about 12-13, have one bad year, and then die. I can handle one bad year--but not six or seven, as some breeds I saw in kennel tended to have.

That doesn't mean that I love my 14 year old heart-dog english cocker spaniel any less than I loved him as a puppy or a teenager or in his prime...but it does mean that I'm okay with the fact that the average engie lives between 14-16 years. It means that I know his time in senior-hood isn't going to last forever. Frankly, knowing that is better for both of us--it's a smart choice of breed on my part, and it means that he won't have to bear the burdens of old dog hood for years and years like some breeds tend to do.

You're right, Cindy--you never get a day off from being a dog owner. And nobody ever says that in a meaningful way that hits people on a regular basis.

I used to give talks about responsible pet ownership and say about poop cleanup that a responsible pet owner cleans up every time, even when it's raining, even when it's freezing, even in deep snow--even when the neighbors aren't looking.

But that applies to more than just poop cleanup. It applies to life with dogs--no matter what else is on the clock. You don't get a day off. And no, I can't say that I love every minute of life with dogs every day. And that's okay. I'm sure some days they wish they'd gotten a different owner, too. Maybe one who didn't have such high standards--like,, no howling at 3 a.m., no peeing in the house, no barking while I'm making dinner, no pulling on the lead...etc., etc.

I needed a good laugh, and your blog was just the thing! You are so absolutely right :) People often ooh and ahh over my cute little rescue Border Terrier who came into rescue as a stray off the streets of Los Angeles, and they often say, "I can't believe his owners didn't come for him!" I get some pretty shocked looks when I respond, "Oh, I can make you a list of why no one came for him. Do you have a few sheets of paper to spare?" Now, believe me, I ADORE this dog, I love every little ounce of the naughty little beast... except those hairs that grow off the tip of his penis and get all covered in pee, and he's so sensitive about me trimming them that I don't do it very often... nope, I don't love that little part of him :) Okay, enough dirty talk! The biggest annoyance for me is the barking... I don't care if he's playbowing at me or the cat while he does it, it still drives me crazy! He barks in excitement when I come home, he barks in my ear if he's asleep on the back of the couch and hears someone dare to walk by our house, he barks when I get ready to feed them, he verbally protests when he is tired of being in his crate in the car, or if he catches sight of a dog when we drive by, he guards his fence line if he is in the yard and someone walks by... Now, to be honest, I really don't think he is an excessive barker. I just have a really low tolerance for barking, and he is the only barky dog I've ever had. Granted, I've only ever had 4 dogs... all of whom are still with us, sans our dear Fergus that we just lost, so it isn't a big comparison group, but even Fergus the Jack Russell rarely barked. Granted, Fergus had his own special ways of annoying me, but we're not going to speak ill of those we've lost so recently :( No, Edgar is the biggest problem, and there are times when I just want to strangle the sassy little bugger... but boy, do I love him passionately!! :) Yes, it is perfectly OK to not always feel in love with those we love, and I think the world would be a healthier place if we weren't made to feel guilty for admitting that. An absolutely brilliant blog, Cindy, really!!

Cindy, as you know, we almost gave up on one of our dogs. But, even tho life with dogs has not always been easy, I would never give mine up. Luckily for us, we have a great day care to take them to for a break : ) Thanks
Teresa Christensen

Someone (and many others as I've read the other comments) who is willing to say what ALL of us have felt in one way or another. Often times I have felt like I'm a failure or a 'bad dog owner' or a 'bad trainer' for not liking a particular dog, or feeling temporary resentment at one of my own dogs, or for not being able to help a client. There is a dog I walk that I absolutely cannot STAND to be around-nothing works-this dog I swear is the dumbest thing I have EVER dealt with and pulls like a tank no matter what (i've run out of things to try that are within my ethics so I just put him on a flexi and let him go for it) and is not movitvated by anything except peeing and sniffing EVERYTHING (seriously, I've tried and tried-the dog has no desire to bond with people, won't take even the finest chicken, liver, hotdogs, or cheese money can buy and could care less about toys, tried clicker training him so I could mark the rare occasion when the lead is loose, but he won't even let me charge it because it's like I'm not even there-even dogs he comes across are like 'HI! How are....[friendly dog putting on brakes now and slides to stop] WHOA! Something isn't right with you!' and won't even play with him- they run away from him like he's plagued but he doesn't care- he just wants to wee on everything anyway.
I've never met a dog like him- he doesnt want to play, doesn't want to be petted, doesn't bother about greeeting other dogs, shows no interest when someone talks to him- it's really weird! That being said he is a lovely dog inside his home and has a great personaility when he isn't outside dragging me all over God's green earth or embarrasing me off lead (hence my being dragged- no bonding=fat chance on a recall!!) My back has suffered enormously.... I even had my husband try since he is stronger and wieghs more than I do (HA!) and this dog pulled him over (for added humour I had the dog on a head collar AND an EZ walk harness to no avail- he broke the harness and doesn't care that his head is turned- he WILL walk and drag us (yes US- as in two leads lol) in forward motion with his head turned and I can't find the heart to tell them I refuse to walk it and to find another walker! I am relieved I am not alone and even more relieved to hear that I am 'normal'! (phew!!!) Your blog made me laugh and glad to know that it's OK for dog people to have feelings too. After all, we are only human!
Cheers for the great blog!!
and BTW any suggestions on walking tank dog so I can still move the next day(from being dragged the day before!) are welcome!!!

Oh, I needed to see this today. Thank you, thank you. Cindy, you are the best trainer because you are such a regular gal! (Except for the fact that sometimes you can read my mind!)
My rat terrier puppy, Timber, is well known to Cindy, as are my frustrations. I know he will make me a better dog trainer - assuming we both survive this....He is very smart, very quick, very energetic and enthusiastic.
Timber has calmed down nicely at home. He can be such a love. He will climb into your lap and lay his head on your shoulder (since he weighs 30 lbs now) and go to sleep breathing sweetly and softly into your ear. He has happily enjoyed doggie day care, puppy socialization classes and doggie manners classes. He isn't the least bit food aggressive - for which I am grateful as I remove yet another dead song bird from his mouth.....
Then when I take him to his first doggie park this weekend, he goes BERZERK. He barks non-stop and out of control......I have never heard him bark like this before....yap, yap, yap. Shrill and franticl and so loud I can't think. He charges the giant male dogs through the fence. He totally loses control. I try to explain to the other owners that he is just a puppy - they don't care. They just want him to go away. They give me disapproving looks. They pull their dogs away. They practically DARE me to bring him inside the fence. People are beginning to peek out their windows from the houses nearby. And I am mortified. I put him back in the car and slink away.
This is the dog I am hoping to do agility with. The one who is going to happily mix with fifty other agility dogs, waiting quietly in line for his turn, ignoring the noise and chaos. This is the dog for my retirement who will calmly and sweetly go everywhere with me. HA! I am so afraid that Timber is just too much dog for me and that I will fail. I picked this terrier after-all when I could have gotten a nice golden retriever. Nope, I HAD to have the terrier. Sometimes I just want to cry - but it really helps to hear these other stories. Thanks to everyone for sharing - it isn't just me! And it isn't just Timber! Even Cindy feels this way sometimes......WOW. Imagine that?!?!?!

It's great that so many of you responded to this! I did receive some negative comments privately, but those were from folks who just didn't "get it". Now...on to the follow up subject in my next blog...watch for it!

~ Cindy

So many people in my life think that I must just love all dogs all the time. I have fostered 17 dogs and counting and there are some days that I just want to throw in the towel and work at Burger King.
I work with a local rescue and since I am a trainer they give me some of the worst dogs to foster and "fix". They don't understand that I don't enjoy these nightmare dogs. They don't understand that I don't enjoy breaking up dog fights in my own yard. They don't understand that I don't enjoy cleaning urine soaked dog beds and crates. They don't understand that I can't save all of them! I have helped place so many dogs in loving homes and that makes me happy and makes my job as a foster mom very rewarding. Not all 17 have been bad but the goods ones never last long enough in my home to enjoy them.
I think we all have bad days and I appreciate you all sharing. People always think that I must be nuts about dogs and have the patience of a Saint. I DO love dogs and I DO love being a dog trainer but I meet dogs (especially certain breeds) all of the time that I just can't stand (and it's not like they call in a trainer to come over and hang out with their perfectly behaved dogs...).
Psychologists are not expected to love all humans so why are we expected to love all dogs?

Kendra
Seattle, WA