Romance and Real Life
I will never forget a conversation I had with a woman years ago when I was a young, single parent. I was expressing my exhaustion, feelings of being overwhelmed and sense of loneliness at not having a partner to depend on for parenting help. I was speechless when she replied with, “But, you do love your kids, don’t you?”
I was completely taken aback! I felt a surge of guilt and quickly said, “Oh yes of course! As hard as it is, I LOVE every minute of it!” That was an absolute lie.
Some years later, when my kids were nearly grown, I watched an episode of Oprah where mothers were talking about the reality of parenting, sans the romance. I actually cried. It was so nice to hear moms admitting such forbidden things as feeling resentment and even temporary hatred for their children. It was comforting to know that I wasn’t evil because I occasionally fantasized about just getting in the car, driving away and never looking back.
These are the common feelings of motherhood that we are never supposed to speak of. Instead, we must only express the wonderment of the way babies smell and the wholly fulfilling adventure of molding the life of another human being. Any mention of parenthood being difficult MUST be qualified with the statement that it’s all worth it, lest you be judged a monster.
What’s this got to do with dogs? Well, when is the last time you felt “safe” admitting that there are days when you hate having a dog. Are you okay with admitting that you actually don’t like every dog you meet? Do you feel any pressure to care about every dog out there or feel guilty when you just don’t have the time (or the inclination) to do anything about BSL?
There is a certain amount of romanticism surrounding the dog world. As a trainer, I have experienced it most when I say that there are certain dogs or clients that I don’t want to work with. Many make this “okay” by saying, “Well, you can’t save them all.” You know what? You want the truth? I don’t even WANT to save them all. There, I said it.
Know what else? There are some dogs that I just can’t stand to be around. I think some dogs are really ugly. There are certain breeds that I don’t care for. Since I’m baring my soul, there are days when I wish I didn’t have so many dogs. When I go on vacation, the very last thing I want to do is take my dogs with me. There are times when I put my dogs outside because I just can’t stand them anymore.
Do I love my dogs? Absolutely! Did I love all of them at first sight? No way. In fact, of the five dogs I have, there is only one that I loved the first time I saw him, and he is the one that most often gets on my nerves seven years later.
I remember getting very defensive in group therapy once, defending the perfect-ness of my marriage. My therapist told me that it was likely that the need to not speak the negative was a sign of insecurity about and fragility of the relationship. I think she was right. I can now comfortably say that my husband and I fight sometimes, there are days when I wish I wasn’t married, and I have wondered before where my life would be if we’d never met. That said, I love him with all that I am and honestly feel that everything good in my world has come from our relationship with one another.
So it is with my dogs. They piss me off. They ruin my stuff. They make it hard for me to keep my house clean. They’re so damn needy. That is the reality of dogs. That is what people who are thinking about getting a dog need to know.
They need to know that you never get a day off from being a dog owner. They need to know that dogs want attention even when you’re exhausted, frustrated, depressed, upset or in the middle of a real crisis. They should know that owning a dog is not wonderful every minute of every day.
Is it all worth it? Sometimes. Would I ever be happy without dogs in my home? Never.
I dare you to share your gripes and frustrations with dog ownership without apology. Can you do it?
