Chewtoy List

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David LetterDog’s List of Things Dogs Cannot Do While Chewing a Chewtoy

  1. Chew carpets, curtains, cushions, couches, clothes, chair legs, children's toys, electrical cords, and computer disks. Play-bite (or mouth) human hands, arms, legs, and ankles. Play tug o' war with trousers, skirts, and shoe laces.
  2. Surf kitchen counters. Empty cupboards. Lick butter from the refrigerator. Trash the trash.
  3. Dig in the yard for escape or enjoyment. (Certainly a dog can dig while holding a chewtoy in his jaws, but if really working on his chewtoy he will have little time for digging holes. And he will not want to bury his chewtoy with the tastiest treats still inside.)
  4. Destroy the yard, chew garden furniture and fences, eat flowers and poisonous plants, truffle for cat feces.
  5. Become overly anxious or bored when home alone. Escape from solitary isolation in the yard (through the dismantled fence). Obsessively and compulsively stare at a blank wall, or chase his tail and run in ever-decreasing circles.
  6. Bark for the sake of barking. (The dog may still alarm bark at disturbances. But he will be less likely to bark recreationally if he is busy chewing recreationally.)
  7. Grab the leash and jerk back.
  8. Drive the car, cross dress, and run up credit card balances. (Just checking to see if anyone is actually reading this list.)
  9. Gnaw his paws and chew the root of his tail, aggravating flea allergies and inflaming "hot spots." Or otherwise indulge in noisy personal hygiene in the company of visitors.
  10. Annoy other animals. Bait, bother, badger, or bully other dogs. Pester, plague, provoke, tease, trouble or torture cats and children. And otherwise be a pain.

 

Extracted from Dr. Dunbar’s Good Little Dog Book ( James & Kenneth Publishers, 2003)

 

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