I recently sent out a joyful announcement about our new dog "Zen". Unfortunately, he will not be staying in our home. Nothing tragic has happened, other than a mismatch that did not have to be, and a lot of sadness at this end. When we decided to rescue a dog, our criteria was that he would be a young adult (2-3 years or so, past the adolescent stage), be good with people and other dogs, and have a medium but definitely not high energy level. The rescue and I talked at great length about these things. Super high-energy dogs are wonderful, but are not a good fit in our particular home/lifestyle. Because the couple who were giving Zen (a 2-year-old German Shepherd mix) up elected to show him themselves rather than giving him back to the rescue and having them re-evaluate him and show him at adoption days (the rescue agreed to this), there were things about him the rescue was not aware of. Beyond the exuberant nippiness, he has definite resource guarding issues, and is also fear-reactive. Interestingly, when we saw him at the owner's home, his nipping (of my husband) displayed more like the exuberant mouthiness of an adolescent than typical fear-aggression—even the nips to the rear had been part of an overall jumping up and nipping display, rather than a typical dart-in-nip-from-behind budding aggression issue. This impression was strengthened by the fact that he ran right up to both of us when we met him with no hesitation, just affection. But then I took Zen to the vet yesterday to examine a dewclaw that had been torn before we got him. It's a good thing my vet has a sense of humor, because Zen bit him in the crotch. (This was not during an exam, but the moment the vet walked through the door.) He also took a couple of snaps at the vet tech (same scenario), and I had to do the restraint myself. Granted, the bite was a light, insecure, fear-reactive bite with no damage whatsoever, but...not good. And his reaction to strangers, even outside the vet’s office, has been one of caution. His easy-going reaction with us was probably due to our knowing how to use non-threatening body language. And okay, the invisible ink on our foreheads that spells out “sucker for dogs!” While it's true that I didn't want a "project" dog as far as behavior, I can understand why this dog is insecure, having been bounced around so much. I truly feel for him. And although I wasn’t happy about it, I would have been willing to work on the behavior issues; who better than a trainer, right? But I can't do anything about his super-high energy level. (When we saw him at the man's home he must have just come back from being run at at the park, because he was calm.) He's much younger than the rescue thought, and an hour at the park, 2 long walks, tossing toys in the house, and short clicker training sessions doesn't put a dent in his daily energy supply. He's constantly on the move in the house, hyper-vigilant (I've never seen a dog sleep so lightly, he's got one eye open so he can spring into action at the slightest creak of the sofa when someone gets up). It's wonderful to have that much energy (I wish I did!), but he needs a home that's a lot more active than this one. And all the behavior modification in the world won’t fix that. Zen is in no danger. He's going to get his dewclaw fixed and will then go back to the rescue, who now have a lot more information about his needs and behavior. The rescue, whose staff and volunteers I like and respect, have learned that having the former owner adopt him out without taking him back in first for re-evaluation is not a good practice. The truly scary thing is that the family who went to look at him right before we did had a 2 1/2 year old daughter, and they were taking a few days to think about whether to adopt him. The universe works in mysterious ways, and perhaps our adopting him and discovering these issues saved a little girl and her family some grief. Had Zen bitten that child, it wouldn’t have ended well for him, either. I feel terrible about this, and must take some responsibility for being head over heels for this dog to the extent that I probably did not listen/observe as objectively as I would have otherwise. Sure, there was no way to know about his high energy level, the resource guarding, or the extent of the fear-reactivity, but I did dismiss things I normally wouldn’t have if I were wearing my objective trainer’s hat. This is a painful admission, but I wanted to post it here so that perhaps others will not make the same mistake. Even trainers should probably take another objective trainer along for adoption evaluations! As for Zen, no harm done. The owner was about to turn him back into the rescue, so instead, he's had a great vacation for a few days, has been well-fed, exercised, and gotten tons of affection. He's a wonderful dog who just needs a lot of exercise and some behavior modification, and I fervently hope he will find the right home. As for me, this year had been an emotional roller-coaster already with four deaths (three of my dogs and a friend), ending with Mojo in late September and then Phantom three weeks later. I'm looking forward to a better 2009.
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Best of Luck Zen
So sorry that this hasn't worked out Nicole - but you are right to split now before everyone has become more attached and to prevent this dog going through more distress.
Its so important to get all the information and to make the right match and of course this is the most difficult part.
Zen has a better chance of going to a suitable home now that the rescue can work with him and are aware of these other issues, that probably would not have been spotted or highlighted so well in someone else's hands.
Best of luck to Zen in his new life, where ever it takes him. And here's to a better 2009!
Anne Rogers
Pet Central, Ireland
I'm so sorry to hear this
I'm so sorry to hear this ... how heartbreaking to have to make such a decision. I applaud your bravery in sharing the experience. I also affirm that both you and Zen deserve to be matched with the right dog and right family. Here's hoping you both find them soon!
It's sad
This makes me so sad. But not because you didn't do the right thing. And I agree with the commenter who commended you on sharing this. I don't know that this dog does have a good future (although I hope you're right), but I totally agree with your decision to pass. Of all the dogs that need to be rescued, there are better choices. What makes me sad, is that I can say that last sentence and just know it's very unfortunately true.
My dog is somewhat difficult. Part of that is him just being a Dachshund, part is he was irresponsibly bred, and part is due to mistakes I made out of ignorance yet with the best of intentions. (Dog Whisperer, Vet told me to train at 6 months after all inoculations, etc.)
But the truth is, I love him more than words can say, I get teary when I talk about him, but I really wish he was an easier dog. I feel trapped because I don't believe I have someone who would be able to take care of him properly if I went on vacation (although all of my friends think they could.) And there are always little things. We were at a party and he was just thrilled to be around two pitbulls, a dozen or so new people, but would bark at certain new people if they got too close too fast. Then I had to decide whether to tell them what to do and be kind of bossy or just let him calm down while everyone pretended not to mind his barking for the next 30 seconds.
You're really a trainer, and you know what a dog is going to require, there's little chance you're wrong about that. And if Kody is at times mildly (or let's be honest, extremely) annoying to me, when really he's pretty good, I can't imagine what dealing with a super high maintenance dog would be like, even with your background.
But this just brings us back to getting the message out about early socialization and training.
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I have a blog: http://doxienews.com
brave decision
Nicole, I think your decision was very brave and honest. Kudos and hugs to you on a difficult decision.
Thanks for this post
I'm sorry to hear about this experience, but I appreciate your posting it for two reasons, Nicole. First, many dog trainers have a tendency to rely on ego and self-promotion over realistic education. This approach feeds the fantasy of magical cookie-cutter quick fixes that is so prevalent these days. I think it's important for professionals to share our mistakes with others to underscore the fact that each dog and each family has unique resources and needs that must be taken into account both in choosing and training a pet.
Second, I'll definitely remember your advice about taking another trainer along when evaluating a dog. My partner and I both adore intense high energy working dogs, but our busy lifestyle is ill-suited to raising one these days. We'll probably add a dog to our household in the next year or two, and I can absolutely imagine myself ignoring a red flag or three once I've been charmed by a prospect. I will keep your story well fixed in my mind when the time comes to start looking for that next dog.
I second that
Nicole, I have already recommended your post to two of my friends who are struggling with some difficult decisions of their own right now. Thanks for sharing.
Honeymoons
Nicole,
Thanks for sharing your emotional roller coaster rides when you blog. I read your most recent update on the Zen story with special interest as lately I have been working frequently with people acquiring new canines. These include dogs joining an existing dog or more in a home, first timers with a brand spanking new puppy from a breeder, a rescue dog from a shelter or rescue group, craig's list, petfinder, stray found on a busy street -- in other words - it's a new canine in a new home.
I explain the newness as the honeymoon. A honeymoon can be great, a honeymoon can be horrid, but the honeymoon is not a reflection of the relationship to be. I think what you describe is akin to finding someone really attractive under great lighting while on vacation and next thing you know you're saying "I Do" to the preacher on the Vegas strip and then you wake up and see things in a more honest light and it wasn't what you remembered from that first flush. The question to be answered is what do I do now? Annulment, marital therapy, divorce or just go for it and see how it goes.
In your case, I'd say after a few days of living with this adolescent active boy with a sketchy past, you went for annulment. And that was the best choice for you. And you clearly learned from it. All these sorts of things only make us stronger after we filter out all the emotions that betrayed our intellect! And I know you have that! Good luck for 2009. I hope it's a better year for you and yours! Please let us know if/when you know where Zen ends up!
And finally, Remember The Seven P's: Proper Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
Good luck for the new year!
Rachel Friedman, MSW, LISW, President
A Better Pet LLC
www.abetterpet.com
rachel@abetterpet.com
Home of Har-Vest, Power Steering For the Well Dressed Dog
It happens
It is important to know your limitations when starting a new relationship. Unfortunantly not everyone wants to admit them and try making a square peg fit into a round hole. That isn't fun for anyone.
Tail wags,
Marie Finnegan
K-9 Solutions Dog Training Inc.
It Takes Strength To Know When It's A Bad Fit
Been through the same thing only I was not strong enough to give up my boy. It will be 5 years this coming March that I will have lived with (and hopefully satiated?) my high-drive Labrador. With me - I didn't *know* the differences in drive, to observe his behavior as a puppy, etc. I thought I had researched everything to know about owning/socializing/training a dog but the high-drive I was NOT prepared for. I had to call a trainer into the home at 10 weeks - that should have been my first clue - but I was hard-headed and kept altering my life to fit his. (He's a sweet sweet boy. Just "work"). For a time, I even became an assistant dog trainer - yes, took up a PT hobby working on a training site to make my life more enjoyable, now that it *had* to revolve around dogs because I owned a high-energy pup. By 2 years old, I made an appt with Trish King who was able to see immediately the problem: wrong fit. Basically, she said I had a working dog, not a pet. And she was right. We even had him observed right there at MHS by someone from SAR to see if I could rehome and while he did well - he was simply too old for the program. During his eval - my stomach turned at the thought of giving up this boy (my child?) I had raised since the age of 7 weeks.
You were smart and strong to know Zen wasn't the right fit. My life took a different path and has had it's limitations (not just *anyone* can pupsit a high drive dog.) The positive? Because of him, I now know more than the average pet owner about pet responsibility, dog health, socialization, training, behavior, R+ methods, and the list goes on and on. If I can have just ONE conversation with a passerby who is yanking on a dog's leash, I know all my time spent at dog behavior seminars, reading dog behavior books, working with dogs at the training site, and spending time with sweet sweet Loki - was worth it.
Elizabeth