Poised to Rant

I enjoy listening to the radio when I drive, thanks to the wonderfully commercial-free music on XM. But one station I like does carry ads, and I happened across a new one recently. It begins with a woman confessing how out of control her dog used to be. This manic mutt barked relentlessly, jumped on people, and showed all manner of, well, being ill mannered. But he was a puppy, after all, and how can anyone control a puppy? She then confided that they’d tried training, doggy daycare, and even a shock collar, all to no avail.

As they say in the infomercials, “but wait—there’s more!” Know what finally tamed this wild and crazy pup? A pill! Good news, dog owners! Apparently there’s a magical pill that can cure all your dog’s ills! This new doggy downer promises to keep your pesky pooch nice and tranquil so he won’t misbehave. Oh, and did I mention that this pup-proof panacea can put the kibosh on everything from house-soiling to aggression? Perhaps it cures cancer in its spare time. I simply don’t understand why we trainers bother to spend years mastering that pesky behavior modification stuff when there’s such an easy fix available. For the record, the tantalizing tablets come in two versions: one for acute bursts of muttly mayhem, and one that can be given on a daily basis.

Granted, we live in a “tomorrow is the new yesterday” culture, and the media would have us believe there’s a pill to cure pretty much everything, including creative new maladies we never knew existed. Not that there aren’t legitimately helpful medications for dogs. Conditions such as obsessive-compulsive disorders and separation anxiety can be treated effectively with drugs such as Prozac and Clomicalm. And herbal and other natural calmatives certainly have their place. But to suggest that a new, over-the-counter wonder cure will address all types of canine behavior issues? Color me appalled. The sad thing is, I can imagine scores of owners—those at the end of their rope with their dog’s behavior, others who simply hadn’t realized how much of a handful a puppy can be—eagerly lapping up this steaming pile of hype.

Frankly, I think the ad is a bit of an insult to trainers. It’s like saying, “I had a broken arm. I tried doctors, but they couldn’t help. Luckily, I found this pill!” What decent trainer can’t fix a puppy housebreaking problem, assuming the owner follows through? Ah…maybe that’s the problem. Following through would require effort. And really, who wants to make an effort when you can vanquish a problem instantly? Have training and exercise become passé? I sure hope not, and I trust that the public will be smart enough not to swallow this particular pill.