Oliver

Oliie is Little! web.jpg

Today, February 6th, 2007 is my first morning without my dear little Ollie. He passed away just 25 hours ago. Yesterday morning came early, and with a jolt, first at 2:45 a.m. and then again at 5. Five am in the winter is a sinister hour, dark with a biting chill and virtually lifeless. I couldn’t help but reflect on this thought as I drove to the pet emergency clinic in the predawn hours of yesterday.

I slept late this morning, well, late for me, up at 7:10 even though I went to bed early last night. My body must have needed it because yesterday was an incredibly draining day.

So today I woke up, I wouldn’t say rested and refreshed, but less swollen-faced and in less of a mental fog than yesterday. It is funny how the brain takes over and dictates how you will process your grief. Yesterday was a roller coaster of a day with many dips and turns emotionally. Physically I felt like I had just been beaten up by a large gang of thugs while running a marathon. I am not sure what today will bring.

I do know there is a hole in my world and in my heart though. For the past twelve years I have shared my life with a wonderful creature called Ollie, part extreme sport junkie, part gentleman, a 65 pound dog that knew how to curl up as small as a cat in order to fit into a comfy space on the couch no matter how tiny and improbable.

Now he is gone forever. I am trying to wrap my brain around that fact. No more velvety, delicate kisses, or gleeful squeaky greetings. I have seen his last dance of joy, a kind of rocking horse hop while spinning in a circle that always ended with a dramatic bow. I’ll never again see the big smile he would get as we approached any body of water, or his amazing leaps and twists midair when catching bubbles or a Frisbee. These were moments of pure joy for both of us. Now they will have to suffice as memories.

I feel so privileged to have had the time we did have together. Twelve years is a decent chunk of time, I now have habits to break and free hours that were previously dedicated to Ollie to reassign. I know at least for the time being many of these hours will be spent basking in the memory of the gorgeous, fawn colored dog with an unbelievably soft coat and a heart of gold. Ollie lives on and is still playing and dancing and cuddling in my mind. I will never forget him.

Ollie Wollie. Ollie is Little. Ollie is a Wollie. Don’t be so little. Mama’s little Ollie. Oliverrrrrr. Go Ollie go! Beat Ollie beat! I’m going to get you! Force-kiss Ollie. Ollie is a worm. Crazy Ollie. Little. 20th century Ollie, Mama’s love. Soft Kiss Ollie. Ollie is romantic. I love Ollie.
Goodbye Ollie…