Diggers Anonymous
“Hi. My name’s Trencher, and I haven’t dug a hole in 25 days.” “Hello, Trencher,” howled a chorus of dog voices. The next meeting of Digger’s Anonymous was underway.
Trencher had more to say. “I dig when I’m bored. As soon as that dirt starts flying, I get into the zone. Let’s face it, digging is fun.” Trencher looked off into space, uncovering a good memory.
Trencher’s Sponsor interrupted the daydream, “what made you stop digging?”
“I didn’t stop—at first. My owner just yelled and yelled at me. I couldn’t help myself. I didn’t have any toys, my owner rarely took me for fun walks, and 15 minutes of play after his work day just wasn’t enough exercise.”
“So, what changed things?”
“A girlfriend.” All the dogs got a love struck look in their eyes. “No, not for me—my owner’s girlfriend. She insisted that I get a long walk every day. Now, I have something to look forward to that also tires me out. She says that ‘Idle paws do the dirt devil’s work’, and now I’ve been saved . . . plus, she buys me fun toys.” Trencher sat down, pleased with his progress.
A nervous Jack Russell Terrier stood up to speak next. “Hi, I’m Gopher, and I haven’t dug a hole in 18 days.” Everyone barked a greeting to him.
“I hear voices---strange voices speaking to me from under the ground. I just have to find out what they’re saying. I dig, therefore I am.”
“What do you find?” asked one of the dogs in the audience.
“Weird, delicious little creatures. Though, the digging is a lot more fun than the little creatures are.”
“Why did you finally stop digging?”
“My owner realized that I am a working dog, and that I need a job to do. Digging was just an outlet for all of my energy. Now, my owner gives me toys that dispense treats as I toss them around—I just love my Busy Buddy toys. She also puts canned food into the center of some toys and freezes them. It takes me forever to lick the food out of the toys, and keeps me entertained. So, that’s my new job, and it is a lot tastier than digging up creatures.”
Next up was a dog that traveled with his own pack. He identified himself as the rapper Lil’ Cool Dog. The dogs in his pack danced across the stage while he rapped his story.
“Yo, I’m Lil’ Cool Dog, and I’ll tell you wassup. Been digging since I was a pup. Now I’ve changed my digging ways, ain’t made a hole in thirteen days. Lil Cool Dog is no one’s fool. I’m a dog that likes to stay cool. I dig three holes, three holes I’ve made--- cause this dog likes the shade. Once the temperature drops, my digging stops.”
His Sponsor explained, “LC Dog was digging holes in the cool dirt because there weren’t enough comfortable places for him to rest in his backyard. Had his owner provided shade or let him inside, the digging would never have happened.”
There was time for one more dog to speak at Digger’s Anonymous. “Hi, my owners named me Neil Armstrong because I made the backyard look like the surface of the moon.”
“I dug for many reasons—but mostly because I was a young rebellious dog that was banished to the backyard. Things began to turn around for me after obedience classes. Since I’m better behaved on a leash, I get to go out and see other dogs—so I don’t have to try and dig under the fence anymore. It can be said that those obedience classes were “One small step for my owners, but one giant leap for dog kind.”
