Training Songs for the Musical Trainer (Sung to the The Wizard of Oz tune, "If I Only Had a Brain")
If I’d gone to puppy classes, I’d not have chewed your glasses
Or caused you such great pain
Oh I woulda been a good dog, and I coulda been a good dog
If I only had been trained.
I would not be just a nothin’, my mouth all full of stuffin’
From your new couch and chair
I’d behave – you must believe me
Don’t you know you’re s’posed to leave me
In my crate when you’re not there.
(chorus)
Oh gee, I’m running free – I slipped out of the door
You can chase me but you’ll never catch me cause
You have two legs – but I have four!
I’ve been all alone for hours, your plants are missing flowers
Your socks are re-arranged
I’ve been just so very busy, it’s enough to make you dizzy
You really should have had me trained.
I could dig my way to China, or at least to Carolina
When I’m left outside too long
I’m your little Rover Tiller and the neighbor Mr. Miller
Thinks you should have stuffed my Kong.
You thought that I was lonely, would be better if you only
Got another pup
Time unsupervised was ample, so I served as his example
Now there’s twice as much torn up!
(chorus)
Take a look, at all these books
Puppy training 101
I know you won’t believe it but they say
Living with me – could be real fun!
And in terms of my housetraining, I wish you’d stop complaining
And get out of my face
Oh my breath will just amaze ya, I’ve developed copraphagia
I’ve been cleaning up the place.
They say that I’ll get bigger, and it only goes to “figger”
Your troubles will grow too
You could teach me while I’m little, what to chew and where to piddle
And then you’d be happy too.
There could never be another, your sister or your brother
Who’d love you more than I
For a dog I’d be classy, I could be another Lassie
All you have to do is try.
(chorus)
Picture me -- obediently – sitting by your side
I would never dump the trash or chase the cat
I’d be so good – OK, I lied!
There’s a moral to this story, I could be your pride and glory
My behavior well maintained
I would not be a disaster, you could be a better master
If you’d only get me trained!
