Italian Lesson
I’m in Italy this week and it’s absolutely lovely. The September weather is ideal, sunny and warm with a gentle breeze; there’s a perfect mix in the air of the fading bloom of summer into the crispness of the promise for a spectacular fall. The golden landscape is gorgeous and each town we visit has a rich past and plenty of historical sites to prove it. The people are friendly are and of course the food and wine are divine!
However, as wonderful as it is, it’s also been stressful. You see, I don’t speak Italian, and, especially in the small villages we’re mainly visiting not that many people speak English.
Not speaking the common language of the social circle you inhabit has a lot of side effects. It can be inhibiting to not be able to express yourself or to be able to comprehend others. It can be isolating. For example, sometimes I find myself tuning out at meals because I can’t understand the conversation. I become more introverted and want to pull out a book in order to entertain myself. It’s rude, I know, but I don’t mean it that way. It’s just difficult to stay engaged when you don’t know what is going on. Other times, I make mistakes when given simple directions (either in Italian or heavily-accented English). In short, I spend a lot of time clueless and confused.
Sometimes I just go into my own little world, focused inwardly, and go about my business single-mindedly, so used to tuning out meaningless (to me) words, that I don’t notice when someone has addressed me in English! Other times, in an attempt to be understood I mime or make exaggerated gestures, things I wouldn’t normally do to communicate. It’s awkward, with varying degrees of success (or failure)!
I’ve also unintentionally made social faux pas, because I am unfamiliar with the customs of Italian life (though I must admit this happens to me much more frequently in Japan than in Europe). It’s embarrassing and sometimes people get insulted or irritated with me for my mishaps or lack of understanding. When this happens I wonder why people don’t understand that as a foreigner I simply don’t know any better and that I mean no harm.
Yesterday, on the drive to Bologna I thought to myself, “being in a foreign country with a different culture and language must be something like being a dog living in our human world.”
I feel I’m getting a bit of a dog’s eye view when someone who intellectually knows that I don’t speak Italian keeps talking to me in the language (perhaps while also miming and pointing). And I do it right back, talking away to them in English. We keep talking to each other in our respective languages while trying to get our point across even though we know it is of no use. We do this because we can’t help it; humans are extremely verbal creatures. We continue to talk to each other even when we know the other doesn’t understand. No harm done as long as we understand that while compelled to speak, it’s likely not how we’re getting our point across.
We do it to dogs too, except we don’t give them as much leeway. We expect dogs, another species entirely, to understand the meaning of our human words and customs and we often punish them when they don’t. I’ll be the first to admit I talk to my dogs a lot; it amuses me and satisfies my human impulses. However, I have also taken the time to teach my dogs some verbal cues, and I’m aware that often it’s my body language or the situational context they’re responding to, rather than my words.
So chitchat away if you wish, but next time your dog ignores your request or looks at you eagerly but doesn’t comply with your cue, take a moment to think of me in Italy and ask yourself: Does your dog understand what you mean? Have you taken sufficient time and repetitions to teach your dog the relevance of your requests? Is your dog truly “disobeying” you or could they perhaps be mired in their own doggy-culture values, simply confused, or tuned out to your meaningless chatter?
