Introducing the Poobrador
I’ve been tinkering in my laboratory lately, developing a new type of dog for the whole world to enjoy. After much work, I’m proud to unveil an entirely new breed—the “Poobrador.”
The Poobrador is part Labrador and part Poodle, with a pinch of a few other breeds to add some extra fun. (In other words, it’s a secret and I’m not going to tell you!) Like all other true dog breeds, the Poobrador has been carefully designed with a purpose, and this breed’s talents are truly amazing.
Now the Poobrador is the perfect dog for people who don’t have a lot of time or don’t like picking up after their dog. Lazy by nature, the Poobrador has a very low need for exercise, and is fairly content to sit around and ponder his existence. Of course, he’s happy to see you at the end of the day, and will obediently sit next to your chair while you watch TV and relax. You see, the Poobrador was bred from “show line” dogs (that tend to be easier to handle) rather than “working” dogs (that tend to be more energetic.)
The best part about the Poobrador is his bathroom habits—the Poobrador actually has been bred to pick up after himself. This dog instinctively will poop into a little paper sack! Gone are the days when you had to worry about stepping into a mess in the backyard. However, you do have to pick up the paper sacks every now and then. With four Poobradors of my own, my lawn sometimes looks like it is growing a crop of paper sacks! Really!!
Contrary to popular opinion, creating a purebred dog is not as easy as encouraging a male and female dog to have puppies. In fact, a true ‘purebred’ is carefully engineered over generations of selective breeding-- until the puppies all look like the parents, and the parents look like their puppies.
Some variation of coat color and hair type is allowed in pure breeds. For example, yellow Labrador parents can have puppies that are black, brown, and/or yellow, and the puppies are still purebred dogs.
These days, I frequently see people touting their “new breed” in the newspaper. (Usually, when they are trying to sell you a puppy from their latest litter.) Remember: successfully mating two dogs does not create a new breed, it just makes more puppies!
Though it is thought that mixed breed dogs are less prone to a variety of genetic problems, there are some distinct benefits to pure breeds. Specifically, when you get a dog of good breeding, they are a ‘known’ entity. With a purebred, you should have an idea how much exercise the dog will need, whether he is likely to bark, how he will behave with children, etc.
When people buy a dog from a shady breeder, they will often be told that the registration papers will be sent later. However, those papers often seem to get lost in the mail, probably because they didn’t exist in the first place! Just because someone tells you that his puppies are purebred doesn’t mean that it is the truth—even if you read it in the newspaper!
If you’re ready to buy your first Poobrador, then please send me a deposit. But I have to warn you that the joke is on you—because the Poobrador is about as real as many of those “new breeds” that are for sale. Don’t be a fool when it comes to getting a new dog—do your homework, figure out which breed is best for your lifestyle, get the pup from a reputable breeder, and then have him checked out by your regular veterinarian to make sure that he is healthy!
